Mrs Kittenhead

lawn done

2009-07-17T14:15:00.002Z

We're off to London, all expenses paid, to be filmed by Disney. I'll be discussing blu-ray dvds.

Is it true the camera adds ten pounds? I guess I'd better step away from the cheetos.

The chumpity show

2009-07-15T20:23:00.003Z

in it's entirety. It's a long one.

Think I'll kick back with some cheetos, nilla wafers, pop tarts, nerds, and laffy taffy kindly bequeathed to me by Aunt E. Yum. American junk food rocks.

Sunny Tuesday

2009-07-14T09:24:00.003Z

Indigo's school stuff has come in. I've just ordered him a couple of embroidered shirts, a hat, fleece, bag etc. We'll save the embroidered ones for school trips and photos. They were expensive at £8 each for the shirts. I've already bought him numerous white and blue ones from John Lewis, Asda, and Sainsbury's. They are 3 for about £2.50. At the rate he goes through clothing, they are a much better deal. I also got his cotton labels for sewing into all his clothes. Apparently you MUST do this so I am. The only problem we have is getting him trousers. He is at least 110cm tall which is age 5+ clothing but his waist fits 2-3yrs. He's a skinny minny. I'll get the adjustable trousers but they are still rather ludicrous on him. He eats and eats all day but he has that incredibly fast metabolism that I used to have. Plus his daddy is 6'4. My little beanpole is destined to be thin until he finds a woman to fatten him up. We've got a while before that happens though.

Good news from Sunday. The HCg levels were down to 528 so we're moving in the right direction. I feel pretty good and I my mood is much improved. I'll go back in a week for another blood test.
I had a few groovy things happen yesterday which totally put a smile on my face. I'll blog about that later.
It's nice to feel most of the way sane again.

halfway there

2009-07-10T09:51:00.002Z

This is getting a little monotonous but lots of people have been asking so here goes. The past few days have been uneventful and somewhat normal. I've felt completely fine apart from being tired. I went in for a quick blood test yesterday and afterwards I took the kids to a lovely park. We had a snack of pistachio nuts, their fave, which we shared with a cute squirrel the kids named Lily. They asked if they could have pet squirrels and I told them to ask Daddy. That is my response when I don't want to say no. Kalila wanted to name her squirrel pilly.
After lunch we met Agastya, Lila, and Monica. I'm slowly working back up to sociable. Agastya is in Digi's pre-school class and he'll be in Digi's primary school class next year. Digi talks a lot about Agastya right now.
The hospital phoned while we were there and said unfortunately my HCH has risen to almost 800 and they want me to come back in on Sunday with no food in my stomach and an overnight bag. They mentioned laparoscopy. I am pretty sure this is just a precaution and my HCG will go down by then. I was shocked as they had initially said it would probably rise on day four and they could also give me a second dose of meth (otrexate-not crystal:-)
I'm not worried.

We're going to see Dr Who in Cambridge tomorrow if all is well.

Listen to this!

finally...

2009-07-06T19:02:00.002Z

A diagnosis, well somewhat of a diagnosis after another scan. Ectopic pregnancy. Methotrexate has now been injected into the muscle in my bum. It's primarily a drug used to treat cancer but it's given to women with early ectopic in much smaller doses. My liver function needs to be tested in a few days and it will deplete my body of folic acid. We're also not supposed to try for a baby for about 6 months which I consider a good thing that has been taken out of my hands. I don't have to think about it and don't want to make a decision about another pregnancy for a long while. I'm feeling relieved that we've made the right decision after a lengthy discussion with my consultant. Now I enter into the unknown for the next week at least but it's a lot better than letting nature take it's course. Nature and me, we veer off course. Nature needs it's ass kicked sometimes. Whew.

Karen-I cannot ever thank you enough for staying with me all day and looking after me. I promise I did not develop kleptomania (much) while we were there. Somehow, you made it less painful and more giggly. I hope they do not have cctv. What happened in room number two stays in room number two ;-) Actually that makes it sound a bit dodgy!

Did you know that speculums have a precise labeling system? They come in Virgin, Small, Medium. Medium-Long, and Broad.

Also, did you know that if you leave Crocs out in the hot Texas sun they shrink by two sizes and curl up at the toes like Santa's elves shoes?

I'm relieved to begin the end of this. Tunnel, light, and all that. Saw a double rainbow on the way home. Cuddled my babies when they got home from visiting their cousins, grandparents, and aunt, and felt peace. A lot of peace. x

My freaky body

2009-07-05T17:02:00.002Z

Anyone as tired of this as me? I bet not. On Friday my HCG levels had increased to 449. Not dramatic from 392 but still going in the wrong direction. I was rold to go back in today for another blood letting. On Saturday I had a handful of intense breath taking pains in my womb. I thought I'd have to go to the hospital but they didn't return. We walked around all day in Cambridge and did some errands. I now have a working borrowed blackberry so at least I can communicate. (but I have no idea how to use it so scratch that). I've had a slight ache off an on in my right side but nothing that made me worry. I've had far far far worse. I went back in today and my HCG has risen to 596. They took my pulse twice. Once manually and once on a machine. Both times it was 48. BP 119/75 What's up with that? I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks and I'm no Lance Armstrong.
Not the news I was hoping for but at least now we can get the ball rolling and sort out proper treatment. I'll go see the consultant tomorrow and discuss my options.
I'm ready for this to be finished but I know what is in store and they damn well better give me some codeine to numb me while I go through it.
My body is trying to give us a baby and it seems to really want to hold on to things that aren't viable. I gotta give it credit for trying at least. Mentally I am getting a bit more stable. It may not last long but I appreciate those who get it and are patient with me.
Kids are being adorable. I want to get this blog back to the happy diary of their childhood.

Will check back in tomorrow. xx

good grief

2009-07-01T19:41:00.002Z

Could this day BE any more yuck? Wait, it's not over yet. I shouldn't be asking that question.

I went to my hospital appointment this morning. They asked me for a urine sample which came up positive for pregnancy. I started spotting at the hospital but only briefly. The nurse was as tall as a giraffe and supremely kind. My kind of nurse. I like giraffes and I like kind nurses. I was taken into a room for a scan. I was asked if I was sure of my dates. Um yeah, l chart that business down. You can pinpoint my o's and p's. I leave off the s's cuz that is far too anal and personal. She asked me again how sure I was. I was beginning to get a glimmer of hope even though I KNEW nothing was alive. She found something, possibly a sac that could contain something too small to be detected. Everything else was normal. It was inconclusive. She needed a doctor to examine it. They took some blood to measure my HCG levels. 392. Previous miscarriages have been at 82. If you have never been pregnant this will have zero meaning to you. I was examined internally and they found my cervix to be closed, high, and no blood. The doctor could not determine where the pregnancy is/was. Everyone kept asking me how far along I was in the pregnancy as if it were viable, ALIVE. It's not alive. I know it. Something is hanging on somewhere in my body. Nobody had answers. I am not in pain. I am not bleeding. I am pregnant. The pregnancy is almost certainly not viable. I have to sit and wait. I have to sit and wait and remain normal until Friday when I go in again to have my HCG levels checked. If they rise, this is not good. If they decrease, then we see what else mother nature has in store for me. Either way leaves me in a complete nightmare of limbo. Like I said, yuck. I don't think I have ever felt so uneasy and out of control. I handle things. I keep positive. I am stable.
Right now I am not handling things. I am not positive. I am not stable.

My Iphone was stolen yesterday as well. From my HOME. The sub human twerp got his teenage kicks and deleted all my emails thus alerting me in time to have the phone barred. Did you know that once an Iphone is barred that it can never be used again. Ever (or so they say)?

Despite all this, I can say that every single email, phone call, text, thought, blog comment, hug, drink, food, etc etc that has been given/sent to me has helped me. I may not have responded. I still might not respond but I know who is by my side literally and figuratively (if that even makes sense). From the bottom of my hormonal slightly crazed heart-thank you.

There actually has been a positive part of the day. Well two, Indigo and Kalila. Well three, their daddy as well. My family. If I never have another pregnancy ever never ever again, it doesn't matter. I have my family. I need to repeat that over and over and over.

We had a parents evening at big school tonight and we were given his class/teacher list. I couldn't be more pleased (with the exception of a few of his friends not being in his class but they are open with the other class anyway.) He got the teacher I secretly wished he would. Something about her, I was drawn to. I can't explain it. I knew she was the one for my little boy. He has got an excellent group of children to learn with. I feel so confident that I can trust them with my first born son. He means the world to me and by the sounds of it, they will nurture and teach him in ways I can't. I am so excited for him. And most importantly I trust them.

Thanks for reading my innermost thoughts. It helps to get this weirdness out of me. I'm feeling a millimeter better just for having written it down. Now get outta here and give your loved ones a kiss or a call and tell them you love them. that's an order.

baby love

2009-06-30T20:00:00.004Z

Made my first quiche with our chook eggs today and served it with new tatos from the garden. Have to say, I was mighty impressed.

I don't think I've cried today. Bonus. I did manage to have coffee with local friends twice this week and it's only Tuesday. I am forcing myself to do it even though I really don't want to.
I am seriously temperamental. Hopefully the scan and blood tests tomorrow will confirm all is going as it should. I am still showing a strong pregnancy line on the test I had to take on Monday (2 weeks after the miscarriage). I know HCG can stick around for a while but it never did in my last miscarriages so slightly confused but this may explain my extreme mood swings. I am in the wanting to throw and break things phase especially when a certain someone comes home late from work.

Just not myself and not apologizing for it. Maybe the soothing sounds of Motown will help. (cue spotify)

I'm going to try to start blogging more starting with a backlog of Kalila's birthday party and our first Juhannus.

Goodbye number 4.

2009-06-26T19:15:00.002Z

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I know you've heard this all before....

I'm going through something painful and I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to see anybody. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to do anything more than what is necessary to keep my children happy. They don't know what I feel and what I (we) have lost nor do i want them to. It's difficult pretending during the day. I can't grieve properly and this makes moving on crazy difficult. I don't want to move on right now though. I need to go through this.
There is nothing I need apart from time and some fucking answers.

denial-done
anger-ongoing (especially towards those poor ryanair stewardesses and my husband when the hormones are particularly uncontrollable)
bargaining-skip/no point
depression-more like a cloud of sadness
acceptance-not quite

Tampere bound

2009-06-18T12:57:00.001Z

We're off to see the midnight sun in Finland. Don't wait up. See you in a week and I'll start writing more.

Stay well all.

xx

helloooo

2009-06-16T20:11:00.001Z

Still here just been terribly busy preparing and cleaning the aftermath of Kalila's party on Saturday, which was ace. Now we're busy packing for our trip to finland on Thursday. More updates soon-ish.

x

socks

2009-06-07T21:53:00.000Z

And this is so typically Digi. I love him.

tush

2009-06-07T21:34:00.002Z

I just wanted to say that Kalila does not say bottom, she says bottim and it's uber cute.

The winning photo

2009-06-07T08:42:00.001Z

Suprised me.

Waterbeach Feast Day

2009-06-06T21:08:00.002Z

Each year the local community hold a feast day.

All the local schools, community groups, etc get involved. Digi and Kalila's pre-school made their own float with the children helping them as much as possible. This year's theme was "something beginning with C". Cowboys and Cowgirls it was! Monica captured the float and all the rising fives (what the children who will be going to school in Sept are called). My mom kindly sent over vibrant bandanas and sheriff's badges for them to wear. They looked brilliant. Nik was one fo the parent helpers who walked in the parade with the three members of staff. It's my turn next year with Kalila.
You can see Nik in the red checked shirt with Digi and Thomas (who lives up the road). I think Digi is looking behind him at his girlfriend the whole time. The pre-school took 1st place for their efforts!

As I was working on our fundraising stall, I heard over the loudspeaker in the arena, "Joshua Newark". I looked at my friend and said, "Is um that meant to be me?" She told me I'd won and slightly confused I said, "Won what?". I won the photo competition for the 18+ age range. Wow! I was (to use a very English phrase) chuffed to bits. Absolutely thrilled with that. I won a small prize and they are going to be holding an exhibition of the photographs in the summer. I'll post the winning entry of Kalila's chocolate face soon. Nik actually persuaded me to enter that one so good thing I listened to him for a change;-)

In other boring news, I am shattered. Tired and too much to do before Kalila's party and my throat hurts. I went to bed at 8 last night but I'm only just hitting the hay now. night.

The ultimate compliment

2009-06-03T20:43:00.001Z

The best compliment I've received today has to be from my friend's son Ben. while eating my banana bread he said, "Mmm, this is better than a baby chick."

2009-06-02T20:16:00.002Z

Sleeping Beauty (trailer) -

The first thing that I thought when viewing this blu-ray was, "Geez, I need some sunglasses. These colours are crazy bright." They were mesmerizing, especially the blues and greens. I was telling Nik about it and he said that was how they made animations back in the day when colour was new. I wasn't sure if that was the case or if it was a blu-ray special. It has been restored so I'm leaning more towards the latter. The quality was again of a very high standard even for a much older animation. I couldn't get over the sharpness and the colours and I'd probably watch it again just for the contrast between the muted grey green castle walls and the vivid popping blues and greens of the fairies.
The blu-ray extras on disc one were disappointing and lacklustre. Pretty boring but that is just my opinion. The text descriptions were far too small to read (something I forgot to note about Bedtime stories) and I got lost somehow when trying to go back to the main list (quite possibly user error but this should be a simple function)
Disc 2 faired much better. There was a cute guessing game in the style of twenty questions. The wicked witchy lady guessed that I was thinking of a carrot. I might try pomegranate next. I bet her little witchy brain won't get that one. You can also learn how to waltz and play a woodland dancing game with the animals. You can learn languages too but the v e r y s l o w talky lady did annoy me somewhat as you can't choose anything until she stops talking and she talks s o v e r y s l o w. No, I'm not making this up and I haven't had any of the loopy juice. Nik did notice that when you pick the English version of language learning activities you get the s l o w lady speaking in an American accent. I didn't really notice but then again I am part American.
Overall they have put a lot of effort into this blu-ray and it shows.

Next up is Wall-E!

Look maw, new hair

2009-06-02T19:56:00.002Z

My lighter summer hair.

Lists

2009-06-01T20:23:00.004Z

What's a girl to do when her to do is too long? Make a new list of things she did instead of doing the to do's.

Make a Doctor Who Trailer

Plant 4 mophead Hydrangeas

Enroll son on summer crash swimming course (wait that was on my original to do list-bonus)

Read Diary of Indignities lent to me by Karen. This book makes me laugh out loud every twenty eight seconds.

Cleaned three sinks, one bathtub, two toilets.

Eat a Thai red curry.

Surprising how relaxing can make you get all sleepy like.

Hey have you sponsored me yet or are you too busy relaxing? (The 6 mile midnight moonlight walk around Cambridge is in aid of Have a Heart)

Need a Sunday activity?

2009-05-30T20:31:00.001Z

I'm working here tomorrow on behalf of Cambridge Newspapers. Come see me. x

Blu-ray Bedtime Stories Review

2009-05-28T14:23:00.006Z

Bedtime Stories (trailer) -

Think Parents on behalf of Disney has given us a selection of blu-ray DVDs and a blu-ray player to review, which the kids are really enjoying "testing". If you blog, I'd urge you to sign up to Think Parents.

I'd never watched a blu-ray DVD before this one so wondered what all this blu-ray business was about. Bedtime Stories handily came with a normal DVD for me to compare which I skimmed through after we all watched the blu-ray version. I must say that blu-ray is definitely superior in terms of quality. The images are sharper and much clearer. Watching a DVD is like me on a normal day looking through my slightly dusty smudged glasses. Blu-Ray would be the equivalent of the smudge free, gleaming twinkling see everything viewing I get when I use the special lens spray with the posh shammy. Which remind me, must use my contacts more.
The menus are quite different as well. The blu-rays seem to have snazzier designed functions which are pleasing to use. Going back to compare them to the DVD version was disappointing but familiar. We noticed when you paused the blu-ray, a little pop up showed what chapter you were on. The DVD version doesn't have this. It's not necessary in the slightest but it's neat.
I've checked the prices on Amazon and it seems blu-rays are about £3 more than the normal DVD version. I was expecting it to be more but that seems reasonable. We get most of our DVDs from lovefilm but I know they do blu-ray.
Have any of you used blu-ray? What do you think?

As for the content of Bedtime Stories, sadly the trailer is probably the best bit. The idea is endearing but it needs far more special effects and action than it had. I didn't expect it to be the cliche film about two people who at first can't stand each other and then fall in love because of all the strange happenings going on around them that throw them together kind of film, but it was. I'd say best suited for slightly older children.

So I hope that wasn't too painful a review to read because I've got three other blu-ray films waiting!

Unit of measurement

2009-05-26T19:52:00.002Z

World, there is a new unit of measurement on the scene. It's called the Iphone.

Today I needed to get some baby/child clothes storage for the half ton of clothing piled in the nursery. The clothing is erupting from every cabinet in that room and it's something that has been on my to- do list for about three years. Yes, this means we are saving clothes for a potential number three if there so happens to be one in the future. My children's ickle wickle baby clothing holds so many memories and I loved seeing Kalila wear Digi's clothes. That is why I am a secret hoarder of children's clothes. I actually gave away quite a lot of Kalila's small clothes when I thought we'd stop at two. We may stop at two but I still may hoard the clothes anyway if only because slotting them under the bed will prevent naughty kitties from depositing foul smelling carcasses there. That is actually the real reason for storing the clothes. Carcass prevention. So anyway, I had to measure the size we needed and I didn't have anything handy to measure and then I thought, "Aha, I always carry around my Iphone. Let's use that!" So I needed something that wasn't taller than one and a half Iphones. In the shop I took out my phone and "measured" the boxes until I found some that fit. In future, I shall be asking retailers for dimensions in Iphones.

For reference, I am 14 and 1/3 Iphones tall.

Egh, gotta get back to clothes putting away. Look at my mess:

scenes of nature

2009-05-26T17:48:00.004Z

from the beach

Cuteness oozing out of her.

2009-05-24T21:29:00.005Z

I missed the extreme oozing of cute a few minutes beforehand. Kalila often talks about when she was a baby. Apparently this happened before Digi was a baby. Oh and we never ever talk about things that we did with Digi before Kalila was born. Nik made that mistake once when talking about how Digi had gone to Boston on a plane with us before Kalila was born. Kalila burst into tears and was upset for a long time because she wanted to go to Boston when she was a baby.

We mostly roasted in the sunshine today. Mostly, apart from that horrid trip to B & Q which has made me proclaim:

We Newarks of Chittering will never set foot in a B & Q store again. They are plain old rubbish. Each and every time we go there we say the same thing so this time after the store manager thrust our cart violently out of his way and didn't see our two children sitting in it and almost wounded them (we finally got a cart after asking about four stoned employees where the large ones were kept), with no excuse me or apology, I snapped. There were many more follies made by the most bizarrely unhelpful lazy staff but really I have better things to do with my time than list their well known faults. I urge you to shop elsewhere as well. There are many other places more deserving of our business

Sorry to get all preachy. Let's end on a good note. Here are my children trying on high heels a few weeks ago.

Bikes, trikes, and stuff

2009-05-22T19:30:00.003Z

We got Digi a bob the builder bike for his third birthday. To be honest, he prefers the islabike but that lives at Alan and Annie's house. We may have to sort out the training wheels properly. At the moment we have stored our bikes at Alan and Annies because cycling around here is pretty nonexistent but we'll start exploring soon and hopefully take the bikes to Thetford Forest more often this summer.
Kalila is turning three soon and she can now pedal a bike. We tested one in toys r us a month ago and she was so happy to finally be able to ride around. She cycled the entire shop at least five times. So now is the time for her to get her first bicycle and she has fallen in love with a pickle. No, not of the cucumber and vinegar variety. A pashley pickle. . It all started when Ben from our neighbourhood cycled to the park next to our house on a pickle. Digi loved it but quickly moved on to building a pretend fire with sticks or something. Kalila sat on it but couldn't pedal much. Fast forward about six months to yesterday when Emma cycled to the park next door on a pickle. She too had gotten one and Kalila wanted it! There are three families with small children in our little village and two of them have pickles. I want to make it three. This isn't a keeping up with the pickles (jones') type of thing. It's a "these trikes are the shiznit" type of thing. This is a handmade, very British, very expensive toy. Too expensive right now. Oh how I want a Picador one as well. Anybody got a spare?
Enough drooling. There was another point to this. Cycling tips! This tales of the road website is a nice thing to click through with your children.

I've just ordered a load of teaching material for Digi and Kalila's playgroup for free. You can do the same.