29 seconds to 52 seconds

is my ring tone thanks to my lovely husband who I love (and I wasn't told to write that;-)



The kids love when my phone rings now. They played it about five times over dinner and giggled hysterically over the nipper bit. (nipper is slang for lady garden in this house. lady garden is slang for VAGINA-oh sorry. It's not polite to shout VAGINA on a blog)

Been Making

Homemade Raspberry Marshmallows. Easy and divine.




One Tardis (with floating hand)



The second of many many cucumbers (ok not strictly made by me but I planted the seed and cared for it)


I've done a couple of audioboos which you can hear (click on link top right). I kind of have a feeling they are like tweets but more interesting.
And finally Digi had another swimming lesson today and he did a brilliant job and when we went swimming later on he jumped in the small pool and practiced what he'd learned by himself. I think he is enjoying this and he even said, "my teacher said....."
Bright young thing.

Ma growin boy

Aw my little runner bean is growing too fast. I don't know if it's that i am aware he is six weeks away from starting big school or what but he is changing so fast.
He is learning to ride his bike. We hold the seat and let go and he'll pedal for a bit before looking back and stopping. He has good balance but just needs the confidence to coordinate the turning and pedaling and breaks. I'm confident he will crack it before the end of the summer.
Also, he's had his first ever proper swimming lesson today. It's a week long crash course so we're there everyday. He was tentative but brave. I was completely unsure how he would react but he was absolutely brilliant. A real star. He did every exercise including floating on his back starfish style (with floats) and kicking on his back down the pool, also with floats. He surprised me by jumping into the pool twice. Once standing on the edge and once from sitting position. Each time he was caught by the teacher and she was very impressed with his jumps. He really went for it. I didn't catch it on my Iphone (yes my lovely phone is back in my hands albeit not the original and I know it's not the original one but we're getting to know each other) but I did catch the just before and just after.





And now he's got a girlfriend. What next?

Check out the face he made in his class photo..

Dizz Knee

Frequent readers may remember some reviews of blu-ray that I wrote. I've been meaning to write more but life got in the way again. Some bloggers (Hi notSupermum) and I were invited to London last Saturday to be filmed discussing our thoughts on the blu-ray dvd experience which I was very excited about. It was just the sort of thing I needed to take my mind off things. The lovely Kerry from Digital Outlook sent us some train tickets and booked us a hotel and away we went. The Indian dinner we had that evening was nothing like I've experienced. Very flavourful and nothing like your normal take-aways. The service and staff impeccable. Nik took the kids to the Science Museum the following morning while Caroline (Phoebe and Ems) took a black cab to the filming. They had been lent a house so the feel was very relaxed and informal. We had our make-up and hair done (by a very sweet Canadian named Rachel who told us the friendliest celeb she's worked with was Will Smith) and what a treat. I think I've only had my make-up done once at a spa and I ended up with green lipstick and coral eyeshadow or was it the other way around?
We were mic-ed up and given some prompt questions which we then discussed freely without looking at the camera or the wandering cat. After a while (and lots of giggling on our parts) I became less aware of the cameras and tried to give opinions that didn't make me sound daft. I am not sure I succeeded but I did have fun. I think they will be using some bits online, if they can sift and find some good sound bites. I should be getting a dvd of the whole thing. They kindly gave us some treats at the end of filming and Caroline (in photo above) and my co went to the Rainforest Cafe.
And while we are on the subject not many people know these facts about blu-ray:
--Some come with a regular dvd as well as the blu-ray version. This is quite handy if you travel and use portable dvd players in your car etc.
--Blu-ray works on the PS3
--Regular old school dvds will work on blu-ray players
--Snow White is being re-released in October and it will be normally priced (This is for Tamsin)
--Disney are working on re-releasing lots of classics on blu-ray
--The extras and games included on the blu-ray (especially Wall-E ) will keep your children entertained for a long time

And now I'm off to try to and plan a House party and work on my new website which I was inspired to do after the filming.

One and Other

Finnish memories

(for more see k and d's monthly photos--)

How the Fins ROCK

Here is a very shortened list of highlights:

Reindeer and vodka pizza
Licorice ice cream (Nik not me-Licorice blugh)
Moomins (oh how I love me a moomin)
Sarkanneimi (sp)
Tampere
Pancakes with apple sauce and cream (yummy Finnish food the entire time)
Omena Hotel (you book online and get a code. No staff in the building whatsoever. The rooms are like mini Ikeas)
Family saunas (and hotel toy rooms) (Nik had a naked one in the hotel and so did I but there was nobody in my one except the kids whew.)
Karaoke (thankfully nobody filmed Salla and I singing Like a Virgin)
Who's the Daddy (Nik, Keir, and Jon)and the other band which I will link to when I find it.
Fire man! (video)
Friendly local people (switching from Finnish to English without hesitation)
Goth/rockers as far as the eye could see. It seemed as normal as blueberry pie with a side of ice cream.
Not having email (although I am still aching for my Iphone. I feel subhuman without it)
Uninterrupted sleep despite the round the clock light
Viikinsaari
Fat Elvis and Ozzy
The big big sky.

Would totally recommend a trip to Finland. Hope we get to go again next year. Thanks to Keir and Salla (and Lumi, Valo, and newly born Aalto) for taking good care of us.

lawn done

We're off to London, all expenses paid, to be filmed by Disney. I'll be discussing blu-ray dvds.

Is it true the camera adds ten pounds? I guess I'd better step away from the cheetos.

The chumpity show

in it's entirety. It's a long one.



Think I'll kick back with some cheetos, nilla wafers, pop tarts, nerds, and laffy taffy kindly bequeathed to me by Aunt E. Yum. American junk food rocks.

Sunny Tuesday

Indigo's school stuff has come in. I've just ordered him a couple of embroidered shirts, a hat, fleece, bag etc. We'll save the embroidered ones for school trips and photos. They were expensive at £8 each for the shirts. I've already bought him numerous white and blue ones from John Lewis, Asda, and Sainsbury's. They are 3 for about £2.50. At the rate he goes through clothing, they are a much better deal. I also got his cotton labels for sewing into all his clothes. Apparently you MUST do this so I am. The only problem we have is getting him trousers. He is at least 110cm tall which is age 5+ clothing but his waist fits 2-3yrs. He's a skinny minny. I'll get the adjustable trousers but they are still rather ludicrous on him. He eats and eats all day but he has that incredibly fast metabolism that I used to have. Plus his daddy is 6'4. My little beanpole is destined to be thin until he finds a woman to fatten him up. We've got a while before that happens though.

Good news from Sunday. The HCg levels were down to 528 so we're moving in the right direction. I feel pretty good and I my mood is much improved. I'll go back in a week for another blood test.
I had a few groovy things happen yesterday which totally put a smile on my face. I'll blog about that later.
It's nice to feel most of the way sane again.

halfway there

This is getting a little monotonous but lots of people have been asking so here goes. The past few days have been uneventful and somewhat normal. I've felt completely fine apart from being tired. I went in for a quick blood test yesterday and afterwards I took the kids to a lovely park. We had a snack of pistachio nuts, their fave, which we shared with a cute squirrel the kids named Lily. They asked if they could have pet squirrels and I told them to ask Daddy. That is my response when I don't want to say no. Kalila wanted to name her squirrel pilly.
After lunch we met Agastya, Lila, and Monica. I'm slowly working back up to sociable. Agastya is in Digi's pre-school class and he'll be in Digi's primary school class next year. Digi talks a lot about Agastya right now.
The hospital phoned while we were there and said unfortunately my HCH has risen to almost 800 and they want me to come back in on Sunday with no food in my stomach and an overnight bag. They mentioned laparoscopy. I am pretty sure this is just a precaution and my HCG will go down by then. I was shocked as they had initially said it would probably rise on day four and they could also give me a second dose of meth (otrexate-not crystal:-)
I'm not worried.

We're going to see Dr Who in Cambridge tomorrow if all is well.

Listen to this!

finally...

A diagnosis, well somewhat of a diagnosis after another scan. Ectopic pregnancy. Methotrexate has now been injected into the muscle in my bum. It's primarily a drug used to treat cancer but it's given to women with early ectopic in much smaller doses. My liver function needs to be tested in a few days and it will deplete my body of folic acid. We're also not supposed to try for a baby for about 6 months which I consider a good thing that has been taken out of my hands. I don't have to think about it and don't want to make a decision about another pregnancy for a long while. I'm feeling relieved that we've made the right decision after a lengthy discussion with my consultant. Now I enter into the unknown for the next week at least but it's a lot better than letting nature take it's course. Nature and me, we veer off course. Nature needs it's ass kicked sometimes. Whew.

Karen-I cannot ever thank you enough for staying with me all day and looking after me. I promise I did not develop kleptomania (much) while we were there. Somehow, you made it less painful and more giggly. I hope they do not have cctv. What happened in room number two stays in room number two ;-) Actually that makes it sound a bit dodgy!

Did you know that speculums have a precise labeling system? They come in Virgin, Small, Medium. Medium-Long, and Broad.

Also, did you know that if you leave Crocs out in the hot Texas sun they shrink by two sizes and curl up at the toes like Santa's elves shoes?

I'm relieved to begin the end of this. Tunnel, light, and all that. Saw a double rainbow on the way home. Cuddled my babies when they got home from visiting their cousins, grandparents, and aunt, and felt peace. A lot of peace. x

My freaky body

Anyone as tired of this as me? I bet not. On Friday my HCG levels had increased to 449. Not dramatic from 392 but still going in the wrong direction. I was rold to go back in today for another blood letting. On Saturday I had a handful of intense breath taking pains in my womb. I thought I'd have to go to the hospital but they didn't return. We walked around all day in Cambridge and did some errands. I now have a working borrowed blackberry so at least I can communicate. (but I have no idea how to use it so scratch that). I've had a slight ache off an on in my right side but nothing that made me worry. I've had far far far worse. I went back in today and my HCG has risen to 596. They took my pulse twice. Once manually and once on a machine. Both times it was 48. BP 119/75 What's up with that? I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks and I'm no Lance Armstrong.
Not the news I was hoping for but at least now we can get the ball rolling and sort out proper treatment. I'll go see the consultant tomorrow and discuss my options.
I'm ready for this to be finished but I know what is in store and they damn well better give me some codeine to numb me while I go through it.
My body is trying to give us a baby and it seems to really want to hold on to things that aren't viable. I gotta give it credit for trying at least. Mentally I am getting a bit more stable. It may not last long but I appreciate those who get it and are patient with me.
Kids are being adorable. I want to get this blog back to the happy diary of their childhood.

Will check back in tomorrow. xx

good grief

Could this day BE any more yuck? Wait, it's not over yet. I shouldn't be asking that question.

I went to my hospital appointment this morning. They asked me for a urine sample which came up positive for pregnancy. I started spotting at the hospital but only briefly. The nurse was as tall as a giraffe and supremely kind. My kind of nurse. I like giraffes and I like kind nurses. I was taken into a room for a scan. I was asked if I was sure of my dates. Um yeah, l chart that business down. You can pinpoint my o's and p's. I leave off the s's cuz that is far too anal and personal. She asked me again how sure I was. I was beginning to get a glimmer of hope even though I KNEW nothing was alive. She found something, possibly a sac that could contain something too small to be detected. Everything else was normal. It was inconclusive. She needed a doctor to examine it. They took some blood to measure my HCG levels. 392. Previous miscarriages have been at 82. If you have never been pregnant this will have zero meaning to you. I was examined internally and they found my cervix to be closed, high, and no blood. The doctor could not determine where the pregnancy is/was. Everyone kept asking me how far along I was in the pregnancy as if it were viable, ALIVE. It's not alive. I know it. Something is hanging on somewhere in my body. Nobody had answers. I am not in pain. I am not bleeding. I am pregnant. The pregnancy is almost certainly not viable. I have to sit and wait. I have to sit and wait and remain normal until Friday when I go in again to have my HCG levels checked. If they rise, this is not good. If they decrease, then we see what else mother nature has in store for me. Either way leaves me in a complete nightmare of limbo. Like I said, yuck. I don't think I have ever felt so uneasy and out of control. I handle things. I keep positive. I am stable.
Right now I am not handling things. I am not positive. I am not stable.

My Iphone was stolen yesterday as well. From my HOME. The sub human twerp got his teenage kicks and deleted all my emails thus alerting me in time to have the phone barred. Did you know that once an Iphone is barred that it can never be used again. Ever (or so they say)?

Despite all this, I can say that every single email, phone call, text, thought, blog comment, hug, drink, food, etc etc that has been given/sent to me has helped me. I may not have responded. I still might not respond but I know who is by my side literally and figuratively (if that even makes sense). From the bottom of my hormonal slightly crazed heart-thank you.

There actually has been a positive part of the day. Well two, Indigo and Kalila. Well three, their daddy as well. My family. If I never have another pregnancy ever never ever again, it doesn't matter. I have my family. I need to repeat that over and over and over.

We had a parents evening at big school tonight and we were given his class/teacher list. I couldn't be more pleased (with the exception of a few of his friends not being in his class but they are open with the other class anyway.) He got the teacher I secretly wished he would. Something about her, I was drawn to. I can't explain it. I knew she was the one for my little boy. He has got an excellent group of children to learn with. I feel so confident that I can trust them with my first born son. He means the world to me and by the sounds of it, they will nurture and teach him in ways I can't. I am so excited for him. And most importantly I trust them.

Thanks for reading my innermost thoughts. It helps to get this weirdness out of me. I'm feeling a millimeter better just for having written it down. Now get outta here and give your loved ones a kiss or a call and tell them you love them. that's an order.